Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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