I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
