Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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