When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
