Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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