Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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