Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All the doctor said was why
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
