i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
