He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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