Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i love accidental penises.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
