census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
