I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
