Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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