Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
