don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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