I faked an abortion last night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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