Your favorite bartender is back from prision
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
