I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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