dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
