apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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