I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
