Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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