Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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