I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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