Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
