I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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