I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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