and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
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You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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