After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
