I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
