you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize