Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
