Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
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I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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