New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize