I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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