it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
