I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
