Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
