You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
