my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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