so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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