mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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