does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
