my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
