he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
