OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my god I love twenty year old dicks
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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