did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
vagina is talking i cant
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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