if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
