I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
