There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
