i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
