Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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