So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
ttyl tear gas
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
that may or may not have been my penis.
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