he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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