Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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