R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
