i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
